literature

Loneliness's Foe

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MetalshadowN64's avatar
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Literature Text

Is this rational thinking or madness? Is this a dream or reality, and if it's a dream is it a nightmare? Is this desperation or obsession? Is this a crush or is it love? Right now I can't tell or make sure of anything. Everything seems so blurry and nothing seems to be getting clear. The world feels fake, false and dream like, but I can't wake up or find a meaning to this. My heart is racing faster than a formula race car on the fastest track in the world. My train of thought is now a bullet train that has its brakes broken and on a loop; my brain aches from the speed of it all. My body pulses hard and loud from the beating within my chest and I'm overly conscious of it. My thoughts go to recent days and weeks and I try to find a meaning or an answer; hell a hint would suffice! I reach out a hand asking for aid or a soul to talk to, to let this all out.

These words hit deep but they don't go far enough to sooth. A mortal human must reach my heart and calm it for it is out of the pathetic limit of my weak powers to conquer. With all my rationality, logic, deductions, theories, predictions and even premonitions the answers elude me like a boy trying to touch his shadow that lay upon the broken cement ground of the street he's always known. I can remember lying on the soft grass of days gone by and wondering what shall the future hold for me as my childish mind wandered amongst the peaceful clouds and blue sky above. These ignored questions and unreachable answers mock me and slap me in the face as the loneliness I have battled for as long as I can remember creeps once more upon me; its prey. I once more reach out a hand begging any caring soul I know to rid me of the predator that stalks me but none reach back.

So I go back to battling the demon that torments me as my mind wanders to a dream I've always had: a young woman about my age sitting beside me as I lay upon my couch. She places a hand upon my cheek and leans close telling me it's going to be okay and that she'll never let loneliness claim me ever again. I feel a tear roll down my opposite cheek that is open to the bitterness of that demon; I know whose tear it belongs to; mine. I feel my face begin to recoil into mad wails as I lunge forth at the girl, embracing her hard. Not out of an attack but in desperation so that she can rid me of the monster. I open my eyes to once more realize that this is nothing more than a wishful dream that plagues me whenever loneliness does. Perhaps it is the monster's way of tormenting me further into the corner that has become a second home within my imagination.

I try to remedy this by talking to friends, because family gives no comfort to me; just stress and complications. The world is a harsh one but I have learned that the only thing that is both worse and more comforting than it; is the human imagination; namely mine.

I shall continue to battle my loneliness. I know that neither side will back down within me, but let it be known: I am raging war upon sadness for it is my enemy. Sadness gets me nothing but sympathy; and sympathy is usually a facade for sincerity. Sincerity should be dealt truthfully, not in half-truths.
With this in my heart and my head loneliness shall not conquer me. For as of now on the prey has become the predator. Sadness shall be damned for I will prey upon it not it upon me.
EDIT: know what? I feel like saying FUCK YOU sadness! So I added more to this and changed the name. For those whom are submitting to the darkness; stand up and flip it off. Fight against it!

The result of being... something. I'm just having a phase tonight where I feel really lonely. I have these once in a while. But I GOTTA admit that when I'm in these moods this kinda stuff is pretty true in my mind... like the wishful dream part. This is kinda been the result of some stuff that's happening lately (especially after last night) and my mind is going crazy.
...Looks like a night where I may sleep on my couch. I always sleep on my couch in my room when I'm in these moods.

Not sure what to put this down as for a Category. Admins if you care you can fix it. This was only written on spur of the moment.
© 2012 - 2024 MetalshadowN64
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